Oh my goodness, what some people will do with tasty snack treats. Or, in the immortal words of The Lady Chablis, “HIDE MY CANDY!”
At the risk of creating a filthy meme (yeah, like that would bother me), I present dorky guy and tootsie roll.
It brings all the boys to the yard.
Dude, seriously…what happens in Vegas doesn’t stay in Vegas if you take pictures and brag about it.
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The subtext…it burns.
Tootsie Roll Costume at Costume Craze.
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On the other hand…. is it sick that I now have a sudden craving for Tootsie Rolls? (I really do love them, just don’t get them often.)
Some people don’t get it often, which is why they do things with tootsie rolls.
LOL!
(In fact, laughing so much I had a coughing fit! Hee.)
I prefer a doughnut myself.
We don’t have Tootsie Rolls in Australia. Something I’m now greatful about.
I will certainly never look at tootsie rolls the same way again. I don’t think I’ll be eating any in future.
But I sure know someone who would have an interesting reminder of days gone by if he got a nice big bag of them for Christmas.
I laughed so hard I woke my dog. Oh, mail the Tootsie rolls, definitely. Or best of all, hire a lady to deliver them.
Oh, VT – that’s wicked!
(From now on, I’m sticking to the mini Tootsie Rolls!)
The world looks mighty good to me
’cause Tootsie Rolls are all I see
Whatever it is I think I see
Becomes a Tootsie Roll to me
Tootsie Roll how I want your chocolatey chew
Tootsie Roll I think I’m in love with you
Whatever it is I think I see
Becomes a Tootsie Roll to me.
Although… their “Wack-O-Wax” line of wax lips could be considered a prophylactic… Dunno about those Nik-L-Nips…
Any guy wearing a Halloween costume with dress shoes is a dork par excellence, and will be psychologically damaged by the cool kids, so much so that he will experience lurid flashbacks at the mere mention of the words “Tootsie Roll”.
I nearly hurt myself laughing. Oh, if only you knew…!
Dear Ms. Doran,
Thank you for your recent interest in Tootsie Roll brand candies. If I may, as legal counsel for the Tootsie Roll corporation, I would like to clear up any misconceptions you may have about Tootsie Rolls, their indescribably delicious taste, and about their proper usage in the human body.
1. First, Tootsie Roll brand candies, which today come in a wide variety of tasty assortments, shapes and forms, are intended only for human consumption, as in eating. Nothing else. Indeed, the use of our candies in any other way is illegal in Montana, Idaho and Puerto Rico (El Rolo Tootsie is a national delicacy there). It is also illegal in West Virginia, but since the number of Tootsie Roll sales per capita in that state is higher than in any other, we say, what the hell, go for it, and clean up afterwards.
2. The picture accompanying your blog post is a licensed costume based on the classic Tootsie Roll brand candy, which, by the way, is a scrumptious taste sensation, and would make a lovely gift to any candy lover. The Tootsie Roll Corporation and the costume licensee, FlammableWear, Inc. would ordinarily take offense at your characterization of any Tootsie Roll costume purchaser as a “dork;” however, in this case, the model in the photo is actually named Richard Dork. Do not refer to him by any nickname, as he is dickless.
3. And finally: yes, indeed they do melt in your mouth, but not in your gland.
Again, thank you for your interest, and per your request, our giant-size, 13 inch length and 9 inch circumference Tootsie Roll brand candy log is being FedExed to you today, for your personal enjoyment. I can imagine your squeals of joy!
Happy Eating!
Sincerely,
Hubert Smegma Scrotum, Esq.
*snickers*
Remember, kids — if you put a condom on the Tootsie Roll first, cleanup’s easier.
great. First the Snickers thing, now this. I may never go near candy again.
(and about the Snickers thing: I have no pictures, just a story that I’m trying to forget…)
actually, now that I think of it, Tootsie Rolls are a major component of the awesomest dessert of all, the Kitty Litter Cake.
dangit, try this link:
linkage, number two
BWAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
You’re welcome