Everything is big, and bling and Gucci circa 1987, especially the handbags. I knew if I hung around long enough the fashions in A Distant Soil would eventually come back.

Over here it’s a thriller, baby, as Marvel comic covers pay homage to all things 20 years ago.

Elektra does a Flashdance

Winona Ryder announces that she’ll be a part of the Heathers remake, which will also star Christian Slater. OK, I wonder how they’re going to pull that off. I think he exploded at the end of that flick.

And OMG!!! This was one of my favorite 1980’s songs. I wanted to be Bonnie Tyler when I grew up. Either her or Pat Benatar. Every time I had to sing a Bonnie Tyler song with my piece o’ crap band, I would scream into a pillow to roughen up my voice so I could get that gravelly tone. Now that I know Welsh born Tyler got that voice as the result of botched vocal cord surgery, I guess I shouldn’t have been so anxious to copy her.

Anyway, if you remember Total Eclipse of the Heart and the weird video that accompanied it, you can skip this link which will take you directly to YouTube where you can see the original. This is required viewing before the laffalots you’re going to get when you see this LiteralVideo version below.

When I was a kid, I did not understand the Total Eclipse of the Heart video at all. It was full of weird goth imagery, flowing guaze, and a boy’s school. With boys. I didn’t really think any explanation was required. It looked cool to me. (Which pretty much explains the appeal of videos in the 1980’s.)

As an adult, I realize Total Eclipse of the Heart is a video of a middle aged woman having sexual fantasies about her teenaged students.

Now I am creeped out.

That said, it’s got JIM STEINMAN MUSIC, which is all the meat your loaf needs. I know this stuff is over-the-top rock opera. I realize it is wacko.

Of course I love it.

This Total Eclipse of the Heart spoof is the funniest thing I have seen in ages. It had me laughing so hard I stuffed a towel in my mouth to avoid disturbing the rest of the household. My mascara ran down my face in great trails. Just like in the 1980’s, it appears I have yet to figure out where to get a decent tube of waterproof mascara.

Hat tips to Ellen Kushner and Carla Speed McNeil and Brickmuppet.

And because I love Bonnie, here’s something I never saw before. Her version of Making Love Out of Nothing at All, which was an Air Supply hit (composed by Jim Steinman, natch). It has a lot more oompf when sung by a woman who sounds like a man instead of a man who sounds like a woman. Which you already know, if you’ve heard Air Supply.

And holy cow, Rieken was mugged by a bunch of guys from Sweden and they stole his wardrobe! It’s hair band glamour! Take a look at Snake of Eden, a group of good-looking triplets. I’m assuming they can sing and play musical instruments. I haven’t gotten that far, yet.

Lady Gaga used them in her latest video. That wench is so stealing my design sense.

I just made you want to mousse your hair and wear five belts around your hips, leather pants, and something in gold lame.

My job here is done.

c