A Distant Soil by Colleen Doran

Muchly amusing arts and letters wank.

A playwright has accused critics of showing up for a performance in a state of drunkenness, which is, apparently, not the best condition in which to review a play (insert derisive snort here). Critics accuse playwright of being a sore sport. Upscale wank follows. A sample:

It began with a Walker review in which he said his night was ruined by “Giant Haystacks sitting directly behind me: his huge, hot tummy protruded ever more insistently against my head and shoulders as the evening progressed. I am not sure if he was leaning forward or he was simply so colossal that his tummy could impact upon me even with his back to his seat. I didn’t dare look. I started to fret that this was the way I was going to go: fighting for my breath in blubber.”

The man in question was Shuttleworth, who also edits Theatre Record and says he has “several times pointed out egregious howlers in Tim Walker’s reviews”.

The often childish – “boo hoo, fatty started it” – exchange between the two men was, ironically, much discussed at the long lunch on Monday.

A designer shows us all how to deal with a very bad client who does not want to pay for work. Multiple hat tips to the many folks who sent this in, including Brian Crowley and the talented actress Kacey Camp who had an awesome audition this week for a nerdtastic TV show. Fingers crossed for Kacey.

A sample of the post you must not miss.

Dear Simon,

Disregarding the fact that you have still not paid me for work I completed earlier this year despite several assertions that you would do so, I would be delighted to spend my free time creating logos and pie charts for you based on further vague promises of future possible payment. Please find attached pie chart as requested and let me know of any changes required.

Regards, David.

Haven’t we all had clients like this?

Fantastic uber-meta plagiarism wank as fan artist pinches another artist’s painting to make nice and sweaty pic of Kirk and Spock (Version 2.0). Why Spock is way-green, we do not know. But, he’s naked and hot, so why get picky? Oh yeah, he’s with Kirk. Like that does me a damn bit of good.

Caught pinching a painting she did not do or credit, artist pulls derivative slash painting and related posts. Then it turns out the pinched painting she pinched was pinched from a photo. Now that’s meta. Hat tip to Arlene who sees all wank and knows all wank.

All of this could have been avoided if the pinchers had simply credited the work they pinched. Then everyone would have said “Nice use of reference!” and we’d all move along.

Speaking of plagiarism, a NaNoWrimo writer whose work consisted entirely of plagiarized snippets was banned from the contest. Another one from Arlene.

And a fandom wank on the greying of fandom, which I missed when it came out, but think is must-read. I had meant to write a long, stinging commentary on why traditional science fiction fandom is greying and good riddance to same, but I can’t bring myself to do it without frothing at the mouth. Yes, I realize much about fandom is great. No, I do not think it’s productive to pretend that it is all great.

I recall a long letter in a 1989 Lan’s Lantern (a Hugo-Award winning fanzine to which I used to contribute) on the greying of fandom from a young man who was tired of he and his fellow young fans (male and female) being treated like fresh meat for dirty old fen. They were not welcome at conventions to game, watch movies, or enjoy themselves except as potential targets for a grope. I can relate. And how.

And while every convention is not a weekend at Tailhook, there’s more than one sad saga of Heidi Saha to be found out there. The crass exploitation of the 14-year old in this picture is celebrated by some, but just makes me frickin’ queasy. Her parents started her on this sordid road when she was 12. A quick Google search will bring up many posts by men lamenting the fact that the pretty little girl walked away from fandom when she was at her tastiest.

Yuck.

Boy oh, boy, I do not miss some aspects of fandom at all, and hope they die like the bacteria under my Clorox wipes.

From an interview with Angelique Trouvere:

It was around this point that a short, thirty-something woman with long brown hair strode in, looked at my costume, scowled, and proclaimed, “Oh, that’s so tacky!” and left in a huff. I was like: Who was that? What? No hello?

My friends explained to me, “That’s Heidi’s mother, Taimi Saha.”

Well, it seems that Mrs. Saha hated me from the moment she saw me because she thought that I was stealing her baby’s thunder. I didn’t mean to mess up her plans. I just wanted to enter the masquerade as my favorite character. But to Mrs. Saha, this was supposed to be “Heidi’s con & masquerade” and I was viewed as a potential threat.

Heidi could not have cared less but her mother did, a lot, so she tried to get me barred from entering the competition on the grounds that my costume was cut too low. This was news to me as I was unaware of any problems with it before—after all, it WAS a Vampirella Costume.

Anyway, it was Phil Seuling who came to me and told me that I would have to do something about that if I wanted to enter. He was very nice about it but he felt that he had to back Mrs. Saha on her concerns for decency.

So, let me get this straight, she’s parading her underage daughter around in sexy costumes and she’s concerned about decency? Sheesh!

…She wasn’t entering masquerades anymore, not since some very unsavory stuff went down at the July 1974 Seuling’s Comic Art Con. I believe that Heidi’s father, Art, decided to put a stop to the costuming activities which pleased Heidi to no end. I was very happy for her too.

And more here:

I think what upsets me about the whole Heidi thing was that she was going through terrible emotional turmoil at that time but felt helpless to do anything about it. Her mother once forced her to dance in front of a gathering of comic professionals at a private party like some trained animal. Friends who witnessed that said that her discomfort was obvious to everyone except Taimi who was too busy playing the cassette recorder she brought with her and shushing the audience.

Heidi had alot of potential but her parents desire for her stardom really messed with her head–and let’s just say that we’re lucky that she didn’t die on us.

Jesus Christ.

c