Posts Tagged ‘Twilight’

Totally AWESOME Twilight Copyright Wank

Wednesday, March 25th, 2009

As in Twilight Zone interpretation of copyright. Read this. We control the horizontal. We control the vertical. And we control the characters if you just wrote about them but didn’t make a picture. They are ALL OURS to use because you didn’t create a graphic novel, you were dumb enough to just WRITE a book!


Copyright laws protect writers from unauthorized reproductions of their work, but such reproductions only include verbatim copying. Characters are only copyrightable if their creator draws them or hires an artist to draw them.

WTF???

Long story short:

Some deluded fanfic author has decided to publish a sequel to Stephanie Meyers’s Twilight novels. They have entitled this epic Russet Noon, and instead of just posting it online like a normal obsessed person, she has decided to SELL this tome via some company called AV Publishing, an operation which may very well be located in someone’s basement.

The remarkably daffy understanding of copyright law makes for most amusing wank.

After New Moon, I guarantee you that every girl in America will be in love with Jacob Black. Who said things ended at the end of Breaking Dawn? And who says Jacob didn’t get Bella? Forget Edward. Russet Noon is a Jacob and Bella story. The saga continues with or without Stephenie Meyer. So who cares if she postpones the publication of Midnight Sun indefinitely? The fans will continue the story either in their minds or through tribute sequels like this one. Who wants to know about Edward’s side of the story anyway? It’s all about Jacob Black. Hands down. No negotiations. Bella Swan belongs with Jacob Black.

After the publication of Russett Noon, I guarantee you that every girl in America will not give a rat’s ass when you get served by lawyers with so much money they could buy you, your 15 cats, and your hidden stack of Jacob/Edward slash.

Most appreciative hat tip to Arlene.

For the slow children in law school. This is an example of the use of copyrighted material for purposes of satire or commentary. Twilight: The Sparkledammerung. Brutal hilarity.

I once wrote that if someone did this to A Distant Soil, I would just laugh and then buy two copies, but looking back on it, I’d probably cry first. Then I’d laugh and buy two copies.

BTW, many useful copyright links in our sidebar. (Link fixed, thanks!)

Shine On You Crazy Diamond! Links UPDATED

Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009

Bargains galore and mountains of bad taste in the Michael Jackson auction catalogues. The pop superstar’s money problems brought his stash to the brink.

Alas, those of you hoping to walk away with a genuine painting of Michael as 16th century monarch are going to have to wait. Jackson’s managers staved off the sheriff. Still, this website has his worldly goods for your perusing pleasure.

Jackson possesses a disturbing collection of sculptures and paintings of little children. And ephebe youths.

There is no way you could look at all that lladro and not question the man’s…taste.

An undistinguished collection of art. Some of the antiques are nice, but the juxtaposition of Americana, Baroque, Neo-Classical, Victorian, Edwardian, 19th century Chinese, and Disneyana…holy cow.

The only painting I recognized is the 19th century Cleopatra by D. Pauvert. I have the Sotheby’s catalogue in which it was originally offered for sale.
michael-jackson-cl_1367355c

Missing from the auction, conservatively estimated at $1.5 million to $3 million, are two paintings by the highly rated 19th-century French artist William-Adolphe Bouguereau, which Jackson bought in New York in 2002 for $1.34 million. Jackson did not pay for them (a spokesman at the time said that the reason was that the paintings “no longer fit” into the pop star’s collection), so Sotheby’s had to file a suit for damages.

There are a few fine genre landscapes and faux Norman Rockwells, inexpensive reproductions of nostalgic paintings of rural children.

Don’t miss this distillation of the weird. This blogger took some snaps of the collection of Michael memorabilia, and if you have never even imagined a monumental triptych of Michael Jackson as a reigning monarch crowning and knighting himself in two separate panels, well, now you don’t have to. Someone painted it for you.

Thanks to Scribbler (Sarah Beach) for the links. Sarah guest blogged about screenwriting and comics here.

And our thanks to Arlnee (Arlene Harris, who guest blogged about the whitewashing of Avatar: The Last Airbender).

She has alerted us to the return of the Russet Noon Lady, the rather forward fan who decided to take it upon herself to write a Stephenie Meyers Twilight sequel. And sell it.

For one brief shining moment, it seemed that the Russet Noon writer had come to her senses, as her book was pulled and her website taken down. But the Lady of the Sparkling Vampire Potato had a change of wank and decided to give it all another go, declaring:

Characters don’t belong to authors. Authors don’t create characters. They merely channel them. Characters are recurring universal archetypes. The only thing that changes is their names and identities, but their essence is always the same.

And then came the sound of Joseph Campbell spinning in his grave.

I’ve met some professional authors who say the same things about characters-and-archetypes-and-everything-is-beautiful to their public.

Because they are pandering.

It makes people feel warm and fuzzy to believe we are part of the Hive Mind, and if we could just learn the secret code, then we too could become best selling authors.

Yet I’ve never met an author who espoused this who wouldn’t sue the shit out of anyone who violated their copyright, or their publisher who didn’t pay the royalties. And I’ve yet to meet a bestselling author who was willing to put that Hive Mind love to the test by letting any of their best selling works go into the public domain.

Hive Mind is all well and good for other people.

When my Hive Mind taps the well, baby, I’m staking my claim to that gusher. There’s no Kumbaya in my copyright.

Massive wank-a-licious follow ups at Fandom Wank, where the Lady of the Sparking Vampire Potato responds to her critics, writes letters of fan martyrdom, engages in sockpuppetry, invoketh the teal deer, and makes with the massive attention whoring, which I am aiding and abetting here because I like to study TEH CRAZY so as to better spot it and avoid in future.

Holy Massive Spud-a-licious-Vampires Batman! Comics scribe Peter David is organizing a POTATO MOON parody project to benefit The Comic Book Legal Defense fund! Count me in!

Would it totally freak people out to know that I have been considering that Edward Cullen would SO make a better boyfriend than Sandman’s Morpheus?

Moving along, Val Trullinger puts the smackdown on some weirdo who shows up at her blog to mark territory with anonymous hate.

I have never seen some of those words in my life.

My guess: the abuser is a woman. What do you all think?

I blogged Debbie Schlussel’s psychological break over Watchmen (still haven’t seen it myself. My car has no engine.)

Over at Acephalous, another look into the dark heart of Schlussel.

Acephalous blogged about Watchmen far more intelligently than I did. He also gets far more interesting trolls. Smart people can be scary, I guess.

But I can’t find the exact links to the weird trolldom, so just read the smart posts about Watchmen, the movie I still haven’t seen.

Have fun.

UPDATED! Oh wait, one more for the road. Rus Wornom points to this: Could The Girls From Planet 5 Be The Best Novel ever? I dunno, but one of those covers looks like it was painted by Frank Kelly Freas. Cooked Timber goes deeper into this glorious tome.

A flying saucer full of beautiful female aliens has landed, wiping out Alexandria, VA by accident. But they are apparently friendly. These seductive Lyru are welcomed in ‘Biddyland’, as the Texans now refer to North America outside of Texas. (They haven’t actually seceded, but they’ve basically severed social and cultural contact with the rest of the country. Oh, and you have to be able to rope a steer in order to vote. It’s sort of Cowship Troopers, that way.) But all is not well …

Wow! Awesome! Must read!

c

Hallowe’en Xenogenesis

Friday, October 30th, 2009

vampire9

edward.0.0.0x0.400x648

Have a happy holiday!

c

The Internet Brings Me Pleasure With Awesome Twilight Wank

Saturday, November 21st, 2009

I know most people come here to read articles on the practical side of the creator life: money management, contracts, dealing with editors.

Forgive me for this.

Over at Details, enjoy “So the Woman You Love Has the Hots for a Vampire.”

Vampire tourism brings 60,000 people annually to the little town of Forks. Women swoon over fictional hunks. Men lament the fact that women are no longer satisfied with real men. And now they all know how we feel about Playboy.

This article is five pages long and you will enjoy it.

“I dream about him,” says Tanna Noble, a 46-year-old Twihard from Eatonville, Washington. Dangling from her neck is an ancient-looking pendant that represents the Cullen family crest. “I dream explicit dreams about Edward. You can’t put down what I dream about Edward. It is very, very erotic. It’s not Rob Pattinson. It’s Edward.”

Well, over at NthDraft Livejournal, that saucy wench has found the ultimate Twilight pleasure tools. This is all very NWS, and after you will need to scrub out your eyes with clorox. But if you are into this sort of thing, you will not only get to enjoy a little piece of Edward, it will sparkle for you. You know what I mean.

isparkle

The reviews are awesome.

Hey there. I appreciate the authenticity y’all were going for here, but I have to tell you that real vampires just do NOT sparkle. That’s ridiculous. Now, if you make one of these that gets cold and all but doesn’t have any of that glitter on it? That would work for me. And maybe you could name it the Viking or something.

Go to the NthDraft to see the before/after on the advertising copy. Methinks someone got a call from an attorney.

And for added snaps and giggles, NthDraft links to yet another happy vampire device that I do not get at all (not that I really get the other one either, but whatever,) because I just can’t understand why anyone would put vampire teeth in a can.

epic fail pictures
see more Epic Fails

I warned you, all is NWS, but the LULZ will linger, so have a look.

Previous Twilight Wank is here, including links to the not-to-be-missed Sparkledammerung!